}} I am simultaneously trying to be less overwhelmed by the world & more |

Poetry at Sangam

SangamHouse

 










I am simultaneously trying to be less overwhelmed by the world & more

            —as I am when overwhelmed by the mountains
of laundry we do in a household of three, 
            though at the same time I love burying
my face in armloads of warm dry cotton fresh 
            from the dryer. Or as I take a step back
and gasp at the moon this week, larger 
            than my biggest serving plate and brighter
than LED light bulbs which in themselves
            are a wonder, as they last anywhere
from 20,000 to 50,000 hours. Moonlight 
            pouring through the blinds makes it hard
to fall asleep, but I can’t turn it off.
            And I am overwhelmed to learn that it takes
about five years for a cancer cell to grow 
            to the size of a pea, but then almost no time
at all for the suddenness of its vicious turns.
            One moment you’re wading near the shore,
then something materializes, shark gunning 
            in shallow water to bite off your leg or arm,
or the side closest to your spleen. I look 
            around again, seriously overwhelmed
by the number of books we’ve acquired 
            through the years and how long it will take
to read through all of them. Why do we buy 
            three cheeses instead of one
or six thick slabs of chocolate? Everything
            tastes so good especially when
it’s bad for you. Everything screams Pleasure first!
            especially when it’s the wrong time for it.
How long it felt to be in a Chapter 13 bank-
            ruptcy, and have our wages garnished.
It was overwhelming to jump at every shrill
            of the phone, even after creditors stopped
calling. Seven years never felt so long, but now,
            in hindsight, did go faster than we thought.
We were nothing short of dumbstruck that soon
            after, we could even qualify for a housing
loan! Life is still crazy, though it seems to go
            at a more or less sedate pace these days.
But from my bedroom window, watching two
            women walk briskly past at the same time
each morning, I feel sorry for the track 
            shoes I haven’t laced in months, sitting by
the door. Then I think, what use is this kind 
            of worry when there are many more dire things
going on in the world? I think about the thousands
            of children still separated from their parents;
I think about an orca in mourning, who’s been spotted
            carrying her dead calf for three days off the coast
of Victoria, British Columbia. I want to dissolve
            in tears at least once a day. My friend Leslie
asked if I’d heard of this chart that could show
            how to manage worry. I don’t remember exactly
what went where, but she explained that in one box 
            you’re supposed to put the things you can’t
worry about anymore because there’s nothing you 
            or anyone can do at all. Into another go the things
you can worry about because there are
            some known solutions. In the last one I think
you’re supposed to put the things that you can let 
            overwhelm you, but only for a limited time
instead of all day, or 24/7. So you might say 
            I’ll let myself cry for an hour, then dry my tears
and go to work. Or I’ll let myself cry and crawl 
            back under the covers, but must get up before noon
to feed myself and the cat. There’s always something 
            coming out of the ground: weeds, slugs, worms,
scraps for the birds to peck at. Coming home one
            evening, my child stopped, saying Look under
the trees! I thought it was a rat or raccoon. But all it was,
            was the first slow winks pulsing from firefly bodies
in the oxygen-rich dark, under the miniature Japanese maples.

 

                                     ~ * line from a Tweet by Chen Chen @chenchenwrites 

 
 
 
← Luisa A Igloria