Poetry at Sangam

SangamHouse

 










Your hands by Anupama Raju

I wouldn’t mind being a little girl again
holding your hands, visiting that store in T.Nagar.
Your hands knew everything back then.
To wave reluctantly on my first day at school,
surprised I didn’t weep seeing you leave.
But I must have needed you
because that night you took me to the store,
my hands firmly in yours,
I was happy in the knowledge of your hands.
And when I suddenly couldn’t find you,
nothing was more terrifying than your lost hands.
Your hands knew everything back then.
To pack egg noodles and tomato rice for lunch,
whip up brain omelettes and scotch eggs,
make prawns fry and feed us rice rolled in its spice.
They made up for the moments you weren’t there.
You punished me every now and then
but I don’t remember much of it.
You were a devoted wife
much to my frustration
and seldom stood by me in my angst.
But your hands knew everything back then.
Collected exquisite kanjeevarams for my wedding,
picked out my lingerie and my handkerchiefs.
Your temper was famous, your moods unpredictable.
You weren’t a great role model if I wanted to be a mother.
But your hands knew everything.
We are both older now.
You still roam the streets of T.Nagar,
waiting to choose things for me.
Your hands seem to know less these days.
But I love their smallness, their rounded ignorance.
Some day, I will place my hands in yours again,
and will let go, to see if I’m as frightened as back then.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Anupama Raju is a poet, literary journalist and translator. She is the author of Nine, and has been featured in several poetry anthologies. Her poems have appeared in many publications, including Domus India, Caravan Magazine, The Little Magazine,Indian Literature, Sangam,among others. She has been translating Malayalam writer Paul Zacharia’s stories into English. She collaborated with French photographer Pascal Bernard on two poetry and photography projects ‘Surfaces and Depths’ (2012-2013) and ‘Une Ville, Un Lieu, UnePersonne’ (2011-2012). Anupama was Charles Wallace Fellow at the University of Kent, Canterbury, in 2017 and Writer-in-Residence at Centres Intermondes, La Rochelle, France, in 2012.