Poetry at Sangam
Poetry at Sangam showcases poetry in English and translations as well as essays on poetics and news of new releases.
If you are invited to meet a stranger
Or a group of strangers
And if you can’t turn down the invite
Despite your renowned rate of
Successfully turning down invites
Then you must look these strangers up
Either on Facebook
Or through a simple Google search
If their pictures are not attractive
You should feel relieved and relaxed
But if some of the pictures suggest that
You might get attracted to them
You have to work a little harder
Probe a little further to ensure
You don’t get attracted to them
When you meet them
To begin with
Do a more detailed search on them
Look for a picture
In which this stranger
Or group of strangers
Doesn’t look attractive
Please note that
A childhood picture
A blurred picture
A professional photoshoot
A picture published in a newspaper
Or a picture in which the stranger is drunk
Will not carry the same weightage as
A very recent picture
A crystal clear picture
A natural picture
A close-up selfie
Or a sober picture
If you can find some pictures
Where they don’t look as good as in their
Earlier pictures
Stare at them every ten minutes
Until your meeting
So that a comforting truth can get
Superimposed on make-believe and falsity
However if you are unable to find
A satisfactory variance in appearance
Between the earlier images
And the new ones
Then you could follow these (hopefully) effective
Suggestions:
At the time of the meeting
Never look into the eyes of the stranger
Or group of strangers
Too intently
Or for too long
Instead
Look for a harmless object
On the table
The wall
Or outside the window
(If there is one close by)
And keep breaking the momentum of
The developing attraction
By looking at it every few minutes
You can also scan the surroundings for
Ugly men/women/children
And look at them every few minutes
To reduce the impact of the
Developing attraction
Keep checking your mail
Facebook
(Although not the pictures of this attractive stranger/group of strangers)
Or WhatsApp
Every few minutes
Ask for the menu
So that all of you spend your time going through it
Instead of looking directly into each other’s eyes
Even if you are not hungry
Or not fond of the food served at the place
And even if you have diarrhoea
Make sure you order a drink and a snack
So that most of the attention is diverted towards
Consuming the drink and the snack
Since the above measures are only
Temporary
Let me share something that might be more
Permanent
You could look for one major flaw in their
Physiognomy
(Nobody is born perfect)
And then judiciously focus your attention on
That relatively uncomely
Skull
Ear
Nose
Lip
Neck
Arm
Nothing works better than
Hair (in places where there should be no hair)
Pimples
Skin infections
Scars
Moles
Or birthmarks
An extreme yet effective measure is
To conjure up images of mangled half-eaten
Carcasses of humans and animals
The site of a successful suicide attack
With blood-soaked detached limbs
And pureed bodies strewn all over
Garbage dumps
Or open, stinking manholes
Finally
If you can no longer resist the attraction
Just excuse yourself
Saying you have to make an urgent call
Or need to use the washroom
Splash some water on your face
And tell yourself that
This has happened to you many times before
And that you shall prevail this time too
Breathe in some much needed air
If none of this helps you
Overcome the trauma
Call one of your (unattractive) helpers at home
(You have too much self-respect to ask family for favours)
And tell him to call you back in ten minutes
Tell him that you will sound
Shocked
And agitated
And that he should not do anything but
Remain silent
Once you return to the stranger
Or the group of strangers
Wait for the call
And tell them that
Your dog has started throwing up
Or a family member has had an accident
Don’t kill the dog
Or the family member
So that you don’t run out of excuses
The next time
You are forced to meet a stranger
Or a group of strangers
Whom you should normally be attracted to
But don’t want to be
Attracted to